


Simply Crab-tastic

by whovianhiddlestoner



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Cheesy au, Davekat Week, Davekat Week 2016, Fluff, Kankri (mentioned) - Freeform, M/M, crabdad is an actual crab, well a magic crab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8143406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whovianhiddlestoner/pseuds/whovianhiddlestoner
Summary: Karkat works at a coffee shop and has to deal with stupid customers. Dave is a regular who Karkat has a crush on. Crabdad is an unnoticed magic ghost crab pet. What could happen?Day 2 of Davekat week - Cheesy AU





	

**Author's Note:**

> Davekat week: day 2 - Cheesy AU. 
> 
> I don’t read much cheesy aus and I never thought I’d write one but it seems like this day has arriverd aswell. So have this Coffee Shop AU that I fused with my favourite romcom, Simply Irresistible. That romcom has a magic crab in it so I just had to use it. Whenever the crab snapped his pincer the food the girls made was heavenly to anyone who tasted it and by the end of the movie whatever the girl felt while cooking, the people who ate it felt the same thing. So Crabdad can do the same here.
> 
> For this fic I had to look up how to care for ghost crabs. It was really fun and if I had the money or space I would even consider keeping a pet crab.
> 
> Also sorry for the pun title.

Morning shifts were a pain but they had to be done. This is what ran through Karkat Vantas' mind when he opened up the small family coffee shop. It was pretty much always his job to get everything ready before the early customers arrived.

As Karkat made his way behind the counter he greeted the café’s mascot and his pet, a ghost crab. "Morning, Crabdad. You still sleeping, you fucker?" He peered into the large tank to see the pale crab buried in the sand. With a shrug he placed some food for the pet to eat when it woke and proceeded to make things prepared.

And then he waited.

Most of the early customers weren't that bad and were quite easy to deal with; they were too tired of a zombie to complain about anything and practically begged for their coffee like any good sleep zombie.

However, pretty soon the first huge wave of buyers arrived and that was always quite stressful. Karkat had to deal with three overly complicated orders, one dude who took fucking forever to decide what he wanted, and some idiot who was bothering Crabdad's tank and it was only 8 am.

The icing on the cake was a snob looking lady who wanted her Orange Mocha Frappuccino perfect to the last drop. Apparently the first two times Karkat made the drink wasn't perfect enough and made him do it for a third time.

When he handed the lady the FOURTH remade coffee, the tired barista had to force his mouth shut with an unimaginable amount of willpower not to scream her head off.

"No!" the lady rubbed her forehead as if she was the one tired of all this bullshit. "I'm sorry, but do you _know_ how to make a simple Orange Mocha Frappuccino? Because it certainly shouldn't look like _that_ thing. It's not even the right shade!"

Karkat mentally counted to ten to somewhat calm himself, without much luck, and answer her as politely as he could.

"I'm sorry, miss, but this is the best I can make your drink, even with your instructions that I have followed step by step. If you don't like it, I suggest you go and get your Orange Mocha Frappuccino from a Starbucks or some other expensive money grabbing place."

The lady huffed with offence as if Karkat personally murdered her dog in front of her or some shit. "I want to talk to the manager."

The barista grew even more frustrated.

"Look... I'm the only person here this early. If you really want to complain to someone then you can do that to either me or the crab right there." He said and pointed to the tank. Crabdad was awake now and enjoyed dipping himself into the bowl of salt water that he required.

The woman struggled to form a word from her rage. Karkat was a million miles past that level of anger.

"I'm going to call the police!" she blurted out. What the hell made her make that logical leap?

"Well _I_ have the _fucking right_ to throw your soggy silicone filled ass _out of my establishment, you bitch_!"

The other customers, who had to suffer through all of this, either grew more and more uncomfortable by the minute or were enjoying the show. Crabdad scuttled out of his water bowl and buried himself back into the sand at Karkat's raised voice. This was not good for business.

In a last doushy act the bitch grabbed her unwanted coffee. "I'm not paying for this!"

Karkat tore the drink out of her hand.

"Then you're not taking this!"

The bitch ripped the cup away from the barista and on her way out of the shop she knocked into Crabdad's tank hard enough that it almost tipped over. Thankfully, one of the guests had stopped the tank in its fall and gently placed it back to its place. That guest was a favourite if not a bit annoying regular, Dave Strider.

Dave came every morning, except for Fridays, and he usually worked on a piece of music on his laptop while he finished his drink. On Fridays he made up his absent mornings with a night visit and ever since he learned that after closing, Karkat rearranged Crabdad’s tank every week, the shades wearing blonde man stayed to help with the tank or keep the ghost crab entertained.

Whenever he finished a song he would make the barista listen to it and ask whether he liked it or not. Ever since Dave moved out from his Bro’s place he was trying to make a living with music and studied archaeology. It’s a strange combination but Karkat guessed it was a Strider thing.

To say Karkat liked him was an understatement.

If only the dude wouldn’t say some stupid shit from time to time.

“Hey there, Karcrab!” The blonde greeted. Okay, maybe he didn’t say something stupid this time, but the nickname was still annoying.

The barista sighed, still fuming with anger after the argument. “Dave, please. I don’t have patience for any of your bullshit you might say, so please just make an order and leave it at that.”

“Sure thing, man.” Dave offered a half smile after tearing his gaze away from the pet crustacean. “I’ll have my usual latte, thanks.”

Karkat turned with a grumble of acknowledgement to prepare the beverage.

“Difficult customers today?” Dave tried to initiate small talk.

Karkat snarled and Crabdad wildly snapped his pincers.

“The fucking worst. Bitch didn’t even pay.” He said as he filled a paper cup. He could see from the corner of his eye that the lady was right outside, talking on the phone, probably to one of her friends about how terrible a place Crab-tastic Coffee is. The name idea was his father’s and Karkat still hated that pun.

Dave spared a short disapproving glance at the woman. “I think you told her off nicely. Hag got what she deserved. You don’t mess with a Vantas, especially when they are so Karkalicious.”

Ah yes, here is the typical Strider horseshittery.

“I would’ve screamed a lot more into her retarded face if I’d be allowed.” Karkat hissed, his anger still coursing through him as the memory of the incident wouldn’t leave him. “I wouldn’t hear the end of it from Kankri if I scared off any more customers with my ‘colourful language’.”

Dave stifled a laugh at that. “I wouldn’t mind listening to your ‘colourful language’ being whispered in my ears.”

Karkat just rolled his grey eyes. “Here’s your latte.”

“Thanks bro.”

Dave took a seat at a table to enjoy his coffee and Karkat tended to his next customer. The woman was still outside.

After a short while when Dave had drank a few sips of his drink he abruptly stood up, his mask of a face hiding fury, and he stomped towards the exit. “I’ll be back in a minute! Karkat, this latte is the best, it’s fucking magic!” He said angry.

Karkat was stunned. What the ever loving fuck made the always calm Dave Strider like this? Crabdad also looked at the things happening outside.

Dave was yelling at the lady. The barista couldn’t hear the words that were said but from the looks of it the blond was schooling the bitch real hard. It all happened very fast and the woman handing over some money was the end of it.

Dave stomped back inside, slammed the money on the counter in front of a confused Karkat and sat back down at his place.

“Your coffee really is magic, dude.”

The pale crab happily snapped a claw.

Karkat stared at the money before him. Dave just made that bitch pay for her Frappuccino in an angry flurry.

He might have developed more than a crush at the blonde man that day.

The next two guests also left with furious compliments at how good the drinks were.

~*~

Reading a romance novel during work was a mistake. Finishing ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ during work was an even bigger mistake.

Karkat was sad and it take a lot of effort to man up and not break down crying like a baby over fictional characters. This was the state the barista was in when Dave entered that morning.

“’Sup Karkat?” He said cheerfully.

“Not much.” Came the morose answer and the man turned to prepare the blonde’s usual drink.

Dave glanced at Karkat’s book over his shades. “So still no partner in your life?”

Karkat gripped the paper cup too hard and had to start over the latte.

“Har har, very fucking funny. Just because I read romance novels that already means I’m miserably single! Well just so you know, even if I had a partner I would still read these literary masterpieces that you deem fucking rubbish over your obnoxious stupid eyewear!”

Dave smirked. “So that’s a no. How about crushes?”

At that the barista was glad he had his back turned on the regular. This way he could hide his obvious blush. “Maybe… What about you?”

Dave seemed hesitant to answer. “I, uh, kinda have someone in mind.”

Karkat’s heart sank at that.

“…Really?”

“I just don’t really know how to tell him.”

Oh. So it was a He. Maybe it was that John friend of his that he sometimes talked about. The urge to cry washed over Karkat again and Crabdad was pinching his pincers at him.

He finished up making the beverage and handed it over.

“Well, I guess good luck with that crush.” He said, hiding his sadness.

“Thanks, dude.” Dave smiled at him and took his usual place, making music on his laptop and sipping his drink.

The Strider was oddly quiet while Karkat tended to the other customers in the same sad fashion. When the musician was done he came up to the counter to compliment the coffee.

“Your latte is the shit man.” Dave sniffled and wiped a tear away.

“Seriously, bro, you make the most delicious drinks ever since sliced bread.” He phrased oddly and tried to stop the wetness leaking from under his shades.

Karkat looked at the blonde worried. “Dave, are you ok?”

“Fuck yeah.” His voice trembled. “Heh, maybe your coffee was so good, it made me sentimental or some shit.”

“Bye Karkat. Bye Crabdad.” Dave turned to the exit. The ghost crab waved at the leaving man.

A little later Karkat was slamming his head against the counter, tears prickling his eyes from the pain and not from any other reason related to some sunglasses wearing dude. Fucking Hazel Grace!

A few other customers were sobbing when they left.

~*~

It was Friday night. The café was closed, both Kankri and their dad had left and Karkat was cleaning and rearranging Crabdad’s tank like every week. Dave was being late, he would usually be there long before closing and would be playing with the pale crab or designing the placement of the shells and rocks in the sand.

Karkat did all of that alone. He was already putting the lid up the tank when he heard someone knocking on the entrance. He looked over to see Strider by the glass door, smiling at him shyly.

He opened the door for the blonde and let him in. “You do know it’s past closing hour.”

“Maybe I can convince you with my natural charm to make an exception for your favourite buyer.” Dave joked and sat down by the tank.

“’Sup Crabdad. Nice new arrangement you’re chillin’ in.”

Karkat smiled and dismissively rolled his eyes.

“Cofee?” He offered.

“Nah. But I wouldn’t say no to your hot chocolate.”

Karkat quickly went behind the counter and made the hot sweetness. All the while Dave watched the joyfully snapping crab. When the cup was all done he hesitated for a moment but then thinking better of it, he added a small detail.

He turned back to Dave, only to find the blonde standing as close to him as the counter allowed it between them. It certainly did not make Karkat’s heart skip a beat.

“So…” Dave trailed off.

“I actually wanted to give you something.” He said and hastily shoved something into the other’s free hand. Karkat looked down at it and it was a CD album.

“My very first, all Dave Strider original album. I wanted you to have one.”

Karkat felt all warm and fuzzy on the inside and he had to swallow hard. He started to feel more aware of the closeness between them, and even with that damned counter separating them it was a nice closeness.

“Wow, thanks.” He said loss at any more words. Then did he notice that something else was in his hand under the CD. When he shifted it to plain view he saw a piece of paper with a phone number scribbled on it.

“Aaaand maybe you could call me and stuff. Have dinner or whatever you want.” Dave flushed with embarrassment.

Karkat smiled and felt giddy. He took advantage of their closeness and kissed the blonde’s cheek.

“I might just do that.” He smirked and handed over the cup of hot chocolate.

Dave perked up and flashed an honest to god smile. He said goodbye to both Karkat and Crabdad and left with the tastiest hot chocolate in the world.

Karkat was glad that he scribbled his own phone number on the paper cup and wondered what Dave’s reaction was when he actually found it. One thing’s for sure, when Dave sipped into the chocolate, he was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos are lovely and comments are super mega awesome <3


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